on a lighter note.. i went for a run today and it went fairly well.
This past little while I’ve been pretty down on life. and it’s led to my overwhelming-all-consuming examination of it. I literally can’t stop contemplating the universe, and my puniest role in it. Now, I would not consider myself well-educated on the subjects below, I am just exploring my thoughts.
As a planet we are so wildly alone. As humans, we are so fragile. We are restricted to life on this planet, inside these walls. We will (seemingly) never know anything more. Our bodies are not built for this universe, just this world, these conditions and coincidences we deem normal. Food. Water. Oxygen. We are slaves to this planet, yet we are destroying it.
Not only are we destroying it, but we evolved in such a way that we are destroying ourselves. Humans won the race of evolution. We “own” the world. We win, and in turn we are responsible. Responsible for all the unjust. The way we treat animals, the earth, each other. We are ultimately to blame for all of the hate and killing. We won the race, but we can’t figure out how to be gracious about it.
Every morning I pass a truckload of livestock headed to the butchers, and every morning I have this internal debate of right vs. wrong. I am criticized for this struggle, by my farm-life-raised family. “How could I not see this is the circle of life? How do I not understand that the purpose livestock is to feed us?”
Well I just don’t. If the purpose of every living thing is to support other living things through work or sacrifice, how are we contributing to this? What “greater entity” do we help? Who established the argument that it is just the circle of life? We are the winners of evolution, yet we behave in the same manner as our “barbarric” descendants. I am finding there is a fine line between higher intelligence and primal needs.
Anyways, these are some of the thoughts that I can’t get out of my head.
And don’t even get me started about consumerism and how empty we all must believe we are.
I think something is wrong with me.
i’m not even a big dog person but this is the best.
all and nothing.
I’m getting super anxious about what’s next in life and I’m kind of stressing about it. a lot. I’m fairly sure this is normal 20-something stress, as I keep seeing and hearing from people going through the same thing.
It’s so difficult to figure out what I want from my life. I want everything. and nothing. I want to get out there and travel. I want to hibernate for a year. I want to go back to school. I want to climb the career ladder. I want to start my own business. I want to run a half marathon. I want to become a yoga instructor. I want to lose weight. gain muscle. make new friends. move somewhere new. read more. write. study physics. learn web development. study astronomy. volunteer. do everything. do nothing.
And I somehow feel that every minute I am not doing one of these things I’m failing at life.
is this the normal existential 20-something crisis?
also, I had every intention of working on freelance stuff before I found out I was going to Alaska for my birthday.
boyfriend just had a paper accepted to an engineering conference in Alaska. and he has to go and present it. and it’s the week of my birthday. and i’m going with him.
so excited for him!!
and i see hedley tomorrow. (yes, again)
i discovered this organic healthy froyo bar and i can’t stop thinking about it. i want it all day errday
i’m awkwardly into macklemore’s album
ran another 5k at the gym today
so today I ran my first 5k since pretty much last summer. since I’ve been trying and failing miserably at running for the last 8 months, so i’m unbelievably happy about today.
Last week my doctor put me on stress pills, believing that’s what the root of my recent health problems has been. One week of being on them and I’m down 3 pounds and ran a 5k (thats 4k more than I’ve been able to run all year without feeling dizzy and like I was going to faint). I feel a LOT better and less on edge all the time.
this is the fastest positive gain I’ve felt in the last year. so excited.
You only see what they want you to see, remember that.
what a powerful image
This is one of my favorite images on tumblr because the point could have gotten across just as well by itself but someone had to slap the text on it and scream “DO YOU GET IT? IT’S THE MEDIA, OKAY?”
Stag and Doe’s really bother me. And being the age that I am, I am invited to/required to participate in a few (more than I would like to). I just think the whole concept is horribly rude. Here’s why:
1. Putting on an event where you expect that people you aren’t even inviting to your wedding to come out and give you money is pretty brazen. If you really wanted me to share in your happiness you would invite me to celebrate your special day, not fund it.
(because face it, you had no intention of ever talking to me again before you saw your wedding account balance)
2. “It’s just a great way to see all our friends!” is total bullshit. The real sentence is “It’s just a great way to see all our friends spend even more on our big day than they already have to”.
3. The pressure to throw money at the couple is, by any other scenario, socially unacceptable. I can’t remember the last time I dragged a friend over to a chair and said “you can’t leave here til you pay me $2!” That’s what bullies did in grade school for your lunch money.
4. If you can’t afford to get married, don’t. It’s a fairly simple concept, but lost on our entitled “buy now, pay later” society. Expecting others to foot the bill for your wants is childish. Either wait until you have the money, or downsize the event. I’d rather get married in a backyard with close family than ask people I barely know to fund some elaborate fairy-wand ice sculpture I was into at the time.
This rant was brought to you by the half dozen stag and doe invites I’ve received this month.
Jillian Michaels Banish Fat Boost Metabolism
Is intense. whew. loved it though!